On Positive Tension

Hello dear readers!

Last time, I wrote to you about the idea of work/life balance and how achieving a healthy balance doesn’t equal a stress-free life. Instead, we must cultivate positive tension to hold us up when things get tough. Boy, has my theory been tested since that post!

Complete honesty: the start of this school year has been particularly difficult. It’s been extremely stressful at work, and while I feel like I’m doing pretty well at putting it away when I come home, that stress bleeds over into other areas of life. Thank goodness for well-oiled systems that I can come back to again and again.

Even through the testing, I’m finding that this idea of positive tension holds water. Like this bridge, the supports underneath require tension in order to make the deck safe for travel. This is how I imagine the systems we use in our lives.

Over the past several years, I’ve built different systems and patterns into my life that help hold me up, even when things are hard. What sort of systems am I talking about? Well, meal planning, for one. My daily writing schedule. The quiet time I begin each day with. Making time for regular workouts. These are things that I schedule time for into each day, week, and month that help keep me afloat when the work stress is high.

Here’s the thing about well-oiled systems:  You have to take the time to oil them. You have to actually use the systems, or they don’t do any good. This is where that positive tension part comes in because systems don’t run themselves, no matter how good they are.

Systems require maintenance and activation.

When I come home from a stressful day at work, I have choices. I can choose to make myself a tater-tot snack and sit on the couch to escape into a book or take a nap, or I can choose to get out the door and go for a walk. Usually, if I pick the first option, I end up feeling yucky later, wishing I’d gone for the walk or snacked on an apple. And these yucky feelings are often accompanied by guilt or regret, which compounds the yuckiness.

But, if I jump into the system and activate it, I set myself up for success and don’t get those annoying guilt trips later. I’ve already blocked out the time in my schedule, so it’s really not costing me anything but the discipline and energy required to get out the door. And if I still need a snack or a few chapters’ escape when I get home from my walk, I usually feel less guilt and regret about that choice. 

It’s similar for my writing system. I have time blocked into my day to work on different parts and pieces of this writing life (blog posts, manuscript edits, drafting, etc). But if I don’t make myself sit down to actually write, it doesn’t get done. The system is there, but it has to be activated by the person and people who need to use it.

I find great enjoyment in cultivating and creating systems for my life. When I sit down to plan my meals for the month, I can literally feel my body relax into the process. I think there are a couple of reasons for this. One, I’m a planner and an organizer by nature and these types of tasks bring me calm and enjoyment. But more importantly is reason two, which is that I’ve learned over the years that this system saves me both time and money in the long run when I choose to use it. I’ve learned that activating this system equals less stress later, and that allows me to relax and trust the process, even as I do the work of maintaining the system.

System maintenance often requires sacrifice.

Building a well-oiled system doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not always easy, and often requires us to sacrifice what seems easy in the moment. This is especially true when building new systems into our lives. When I first began writing, I had to choose to activate the system, I had to choose to have the discipline to write when I might not really feel like it. (I still have to do that). It required work. It required discipline. It required not always giving into what I felt like or wanted in the moment because I knew the payoff would be worth it in the end.

Believe me when I say that I’m by no means perfect at this process. There are plenty of days when I come home from work and let my feelings rule my choices, when I go for that tater-tot snack instead of a workout or a walk. It’s all a part of the process, of choosing what works for us and letting go of what doesn’t. There’s often tension in that moment of choice: do I let the system work for me, even when sometimes, in the moment, it’s the last thing I want to do? Or do I let it go and do something else that requires less discipline and sacrifice? Some days, the right answer is to let it go. But I nearly always feel better (mentally, physically, emotionally) when I’ve chosen to build into the positive tension rather than letting it go slack.

Systems that help me build positive tension into my life rhythms and routines:

• Meal planning
• Writing schedule
• Instacart for grocery delivery
• My daily planner (Season by Season from Cultivate What Matters)
• PowerSheets by Cultivate What Matters (for goal setting)
• Time blocking for workouts, tasks, etc.
• Morning and nighttime routines

What systems do you use to stay afloat when the waves of life come at you? Drop a comment to join the conversation.